Its not fun until someone loses a limb

I'd apologize for the lack of updates if a) I knew people actually read this crap and b) I gave a damn.

Sorry, that's a little harsh: I give a damn...just not enough to blog every time I experience a bout of depression. There's only so much of my inner psyche that you need to know (that is, assuming you care).

In other news, we're breaking up. I'm sorry, I would've texted you but since you're here...

No, seriously: I haven't posted in what seemed like forever because honestly, I don't even know what's going on in my head. There's so much crap going on that most days I want to curl up into the fetal position and lie in the corner of my bedroom ignoring the rest of the world.

Every so often, I'm overcome with the urge to pelt passers-by with dead animals. My shrink says I suffer from anxiety attacks and antisocial tendencies.

I was running late for a meeting this morning (this was the last day of my prolonged and much-needed vacation) that I failed to notice that my dad's Chevy Malibu was parked behind me in the driveway.

That's right folks: I backed into a parked car. Given the lack of size of my Honda, I think its safe to say the Malibu won.

And really, all it won was some scratched paint. No body damage (at least from what I could tell during the half-hour I spent freaking out about HITTING A PARKED CAR).

I've spent the past two weeks going back-and-forth between Phoenix and Flagstaff since I technically have a job at Safeway thanks to my brother. Its not something I'm especially thrilled to do (I'm essentially leaving a full-time job with benefits to work for part-time at minimum wage) and I'm (according to my parents) supposed to be looking for another job once I get to Flagstaff.

I get to move into my apartment early, though. So come on out to Flagstaff and we'll go throw shit in the Grand Canyon. Its only an hour north and the park rangers don't care. Besides, according to my Blanchester relatives, "Its just a hole in the ground."

I'm also doing this because allegedly, I'm supposed to be working on some sort of advanced degree.

This short-term versus long-term crap is fucking with my head. That, and the drop in my pay grade. I got bills, people.

Spent last week on a cruise from Long Beach (yay!) to Ensenada (yay!) and back (boo!). The cruise was...alright, except for the fact that I kept getting hit on by waiters. Apparently I'm big in Gay Asia. Maybe its a good thing I decided not to teach English in Korea?

Also, the people on the ship reminded me a lot of the type of people you encounter in Las Vegas: Wide-eyed bewilderment until the alcohol starts flowing.

So basically, everyone on the ship was from Ohio.

I don't drink, and I've lost 20 pounds thanks to Weight Watchers since January so...I got kinda bored about an hour after leaving Long Beach.

After the cruise, my family spent two days in Los Angeles and Orange County.

I fucking hate getting nostalgic about being back in Southern California. Sentimentality makes me feel too human.

However, I got this nifty internet badge-type thingy for being an audience member at a taping of The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien:

So...yeah.

Also, Kristen has (had?) a giant hole in her bedroom, which really sucks.

That said, I still haven't completely wrapped my head around the idea of laying down pipes in a cement foundation (especially in a major seismic region), but hey, I'm no 1960s carpenter.

How's this for batfuck insanity:


Something tells me the Japanese haven't completely mastered the concept of American Football. I haven't the slightest idea the point of this game, or how one plays it on the Wii.

Since all the cool kids are still doing it, I resumed Twittering. Mostly out of boredom, and partly because I need some type of outlet beyond blogging. Its really hard to devise batfuck crazy things to tweet about...

When in doubt, always go with Abe Vigoda.

Fuck it, lets do sports.

The Angels are in town to play the Diamondbacks. I'm going to tomorrow's game at the BOB.

Here's a perk about Flagstaff: Arizona Cardinals training camp.

Ohio State will lose to USC and probably Penn State. Jamal Berry is a pothead (not that there's anything wrong with that...unless you live in Florida).

I hate the Lakers, but congratulations to the City and County of Los Angeles for having a sports team within their respective boundaries winning a major sports championship.

Ditto the City of Pittsburgh and Allegheny County for their teams (and as always, FUCK THE STEELERS).

I honestly don't know when I'll update again. The mere thought of moving stresses me out and I'll be doing a whole helluva lot of that the next few weeks.

RIP Jacko, you weird son of a bitch.

Say what you will about the man's personal life, I will MURDER YOU AND YOUR FAMILY if you badmouth Thriller.

So with that said, your moment of zen:
She was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene
I said don't mind, but what do you mean I am the one
Who will dance on the floor in the round
She said I am the one will dance on the floor in the round

She told me her name was Billie Jean, as she caused a scene
Then every head turned with eyes that dreamed of being the one
Who will dance on the floor in the round

People always told me be careful of what you do
And don't go around breaking young girls' hearts
And mother always told me be careful of who you love
And be careful of what you do 'cause the lie becomes the truth

Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son

For forty days and forty nights
The law was on her side
But who can stand when she's in demand
Her schemes and plans
'Cause we danced on the floor in the round
So take my strong advice, just remember to always think twice
(Do think twice) Do think twice!

She told my baby we'd danced till three, then she looked at me
Then showed a photo my baby cried his eyes were like mine (oh, no!)
'Cause we danced on the floor in the round, baby

People always told me be careful of what you do
And don't go around breaking young girls' hearts
She came and stood right by me
Then the smell of sweet perfume
This happened much too soon
She called me to her room

Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son

Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son

She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son
Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son

She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son
She says I am the one

Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover

Billie Jean is
Billie Jean is
Billie Jean is

Not my lover
Not my lover
Not my lover
Not my lover

Billie Jean is not my lover (she is just a girl)
Billie Jean is not my lover (she is just a girl)
Billie Jean is not my lover (she is just a girl)
Billie Jean is not my lover (she is just a girl)

Billie Jean is
Billie Jean is

Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover

Billie Jean is
Billie Jean is

Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover

~Michael Jackson - Billie Jean