Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
This was too good to pass up
I have no intention of going back to blogging each day about my boring-ass life, but today was too strange to not write about.
I went this morning to have blood drawn at the lab for my endocrinologist. From the blood test, they analyze what's called a Hemoglobin A1C, which is a three month average of your blood sugar levels.
They usually draw two vials worth of blood from my arm. Then I pee in a cup (liver test of some sort). Then I go home.
So I went home after one vial was drawn, not giving it much thought (but not before peeing in a cup). I get a call twenty minutes later from the lab.
Lab assistant: "Mr. St**b, we found a little problem with your blood work..."
At this point I'm thinking "Holy fuck, I've probably got the AIDS or the cancer!" or some shit like that.
Me: "Uh...what's the problem?"
Lab Assistant: "We need you to come back to the lab, there was a little mishap."
I have no idea what "little mishap" means, but I return to the lab and warily approach the receptionist.
Receptionist: "Oh, we forgot to draw a second vial of blood, I just need you to go back and see the phlebotomist."
Because nothing says "HAPPY FUCKING SATURDAY!" quite like GETTING BLOOD DRAWN FROM BOTH OF YOUR ARMS IN A HALF-HOUR TIME SPAN.
My dad and I went to the ballpark this afternoon to see the Diamondbacks play the Angels. Instead of driving all the way downtown we've been parking at a Park-N-Ride on 38th Street and Washington and taking the light rail the rest of the way to the stadium. It beats sitting in a parking garage for an hour after the game.
The light rail runs past the airport, and the train was packed with high school girls en route to the convention center for a volleyball tournament.
Also on the train was a random black guy who spent the entire trip freestyle rapping into his cell phone about the Ayatollah(s) and how he was going to bust a cap in everyone's ass for laughing at him. What the Ayatollah has to do with that, I have no idea.
It was, however, hilarious to watch high school girls freaked out by his lyrics. One of them said they were from a high school in Pacific Palisades, California (its near Malibu). Given their hometown and the general racial diversity of the train (95% white), this was probably the first time they'd ever encountered a black person in real life.
And then this happened in the sixth inning of today's ballgame (excerpt from the AP by way of ESPN):
Erick Aybar pushed a bunt to the right of the mound that Davis fielded in front of first baseman Clark, who also charged on the play. Davis fielded the ball cleanly but had to double-clutch the throw while waiting for second baseman Lopez to get to first, but his throw was behind Lopez and rolled into foul territory behind first base.
Right fielder Justin Upton fielded the ball but overthrew third baseman Reynolds, and Aybar came around to score as the ball rolled into foul territory behind third.
You can see a video recap of the play here.
I think tomorrow's goal will be to try to not leave the house for any length of time. Being a shut-in might re-establish some semblance of normalcy.
I went this morning to have blood drawn at the lab for my endocrinologist. From the blood test, they analyze what's called a Hemoglobin A1C, which is a three month average of your blood sugar levels.
They usually draw two vials worth of blood from my arm. Then I pee in a cup (liver test of some sort). Then I go home.
So I went home after one vial was drawn, not giving it much thought (but not before peeing in a cup). I get a call twenty minutes later from the lab.
Lab assistant: "Mr. St**b, we found a little problem with your blood work..."
At this point I'm thinking "Holy fuck, I've probably got the AIDS or the cancer!" or some shit like that.
Me: "Uh...what's the problem?"
Lab Assistant: "We need you to come back to the lab, there was a little mishap."
I have no idea what "little mishap" means, but I return to the lab and warily approach the receptionist.
Receptionist: "Oh, we forgot to draw a second vial of blood, I just need you to go back and see the phlebotomist."
Because nothing says "HAPPY FUCKING SATURDAY!" quite like GETTING BLOOD DRAWN FROM BOTH OF YOUR ARMS IN A HALF-HOUR TIME SPAN.
My dad and I went to the ballpark this afternoon to see the Diamondbacks play the Angels. Instead of driving all the way downtown we've been parking at a Park-N-Ride on 38th Street and Washington and taking the light rail the rest of the way to the stadium. It beats sitting in a parking garage for an hour after the game.
The light rail runs past the airport, and the train was packed with high school girls en route to the convention center for a volleyball tournament.
Also on the train was a random black guy who spent the entire trip freestyle rapping into his cell phone about the Ayatollah(s) and how he was going to bust a cap in everyone's ass for laughing at him. What the Ayatollah has to do with that, I have no idea.
It was, however, hilarious to watch high school girls freaked out by his lyrics. One of them said they were from a high school in Pacific Palisades, California (its near Malibu). Given their hometown and the general racial diversity of the train (95% white), this was probably the first time they'd ever encountered a black person in real life.
And then this happened in the sixth inning of today's ballgame (excerpt from the AP by way of ESPN):
Erick Aybar pushed a bunt to the right of the mound that Davis fielded in front of first baseman Clark, who also charged on the play. Davis fielded the ball cleanly but had to double-clutch the throw while waiting for second baseman Lopez to get to first, but his throw was behind Lopez and rolled into foul territory behind first base.
Right fielder Justin Upton fielded the ball but overthrew third baseman Reynolds, and Aybar came around to score as the ball rolled into foul territory behind third.
You can see a video recap of the play here.
I think tomorrow's goal will be to try to not leave the house for any length of time. Being a shut-in might re-establish some semblance of normalcy.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Its not fun until someone loses a limb
I'd apologize for the lack of updates if a) I knew people actually read this crap and b) I gave a damn.
Sorry, that's a little harsh: I give a damn...just not enough to blog every time I experience a bout of depression. There's only so much of my inner psyche that you need to know (that is, assuming you care).
In other news, we're breaking up. I'm sorry, I would've texted you but since you're here...
No, seriously: I haven't posted in what seemed like forever because honestly, I don't even know what's going on in my head. There's so much crap going on that most days I want to curl up into the fetal position and lie in the corner of my bedroom ignoring the rest of the world.
Every so often, I'm overcome with the urge to pelt passers-by with dead animals. My shrink says I suffer from anxiety attacks and antisocial tendencies.
I was running late for a meeting this morning (this was the last day of my prolonged and much-needed vacation) that I failed to notice that my dad's Chevy Malibu was parked behind me in the driveway.
That's right folks: I backed into a parked car. Given the lack of size of my Honda, I think its safe to say the Malibu won.
And really, all it won was some scratched paint. No body damage (at least from what I could tell during the half-hour I spent freaking out about HITTING A PARKED CAR).
I've spent the past two weeks going back-and-forth between Phoenix and Flagstaff since I technically have a job at Safeway thanks to my brother. Its not something I'm especially thrilled to do (I'm essentially leaving a full-time job with benefits to work for part-time at minimum wage) and I'm (according to my parents) supposed to be looking for another job once I get to Flagstaff.
I get to move into my apartment early, though. So come on out to Flagstaff and we'll go throw shit in the Grand Canyon. Its only an hour north and the park rangers don't care. Besides, according to my Blanchester relatives, "Its just a hole in the ground."
I'm also doing this because allegedly, I'm supposed to be working on some sort of advanced degree.
This short-term versus long-term crap is fucking with my head. That, and the drop in my pay grade. I got bills, people.
Spent last week on a cruise from Long Beach (yay!) to Ensenada (yay!) and back (boo!). The cruise was...alright, except for the fact that I kept getting hit on by waiters. Apparently I'm big in Gay Asia. Maybe its a good thing I decided not to teach English in Korea?
Also, the people on the ship reminded me a lot of the type of people you encounter in Las Vegas: Wide-eyed bewilderment until the alcohol starts flowing.
So basically, everyone on the ship was from Ohio.
I don't drink, and I've lost 20 pounds thanks to Weight Watchers since January so...I got kinda bored about an hour after leaving Long Beach.
After the cruise, my family spent two days in Los Angeles and Orange County.
I fucking hate getting nostalgic about being back in Southern California. Sentimentality makes me feel too human.
However, I got this nifty internet badge-type thingy for being an audience member at a taping of The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien:
So...yeah.
Also, Kristen has (had?) a giant hole in her bedroom, which really sucks.
That said, I still haven't completely wrapped my head around the idea of laying down pipes in a cement foundation (especially in a major seismic region), but hey, I'm no 1960s carpenter.
How's this for batfuck insanity:
Something tells me the Japanese haven't completely mastered the concept of American Football. I haven't the slightest idea the point of this game, or how one plays it on the Wii.
Since all the cool kids are still doing it, I resumed Twittering. Mostly out of boredom, and partly because I need some type of outlet beyond blogging. Its really hard to devise batfuck crazy things to tweet about...
When in doubt, always go with Abe Vigoda.
Fuck it, lets do sports.
The Angels are in town to play the Diamondbacks. I'm going to tomorrow's game at the BOB.
Here's a perk about Flagstaff: Arizona Cardinals training camp.
Ohio State will lose to USC and probably Penn State. Jamal Berry is a pothead (not that there's anything wrong with that...unless you live in Florida).
I hate the Lakers, but congratulations to the City and County of Los Angeles for having a sports team within their respective boundaries winning a major sports championship.
Ditto the City of Pittsburgh and Allegheny County for their teams (and as always, FUCK THE STEELERS).
I honestly don't know when I'll update again. The mere thought of moving stresses me out and I'll be doing a whole helluva lot of that the next few weeks.
RIP Jacko, you weird son of a bitch.
Say what you will about the man's personal life, I will MURDER YOU AND YOUR FAMILY if you badmouth Thriller.
So with that said, your moment of zen:
She was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene
I said don't mind, but what do you mean I am the one
Who will dance on the floor in the round
She said I am the one will dance on the floor in the round
She told me her name was Billie Jean, as she caused a scene
Then every head turned with eyes that dreamed of being the one
Who will dance on the floor in the round
People always told me be careful of what you do
And don't go around breaking young girls' hearts
And mother always told me be careful of who you love
And be careful of what you do 'cause the lie becomes the truth
Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son
For forty days and forty nights
The law was on her side
But who can stand when she's in demand
Her schemes and plans
'Cause we danced on the floor in the round
So take my strong advice, just remember to always think twice
(Do think twice) Do think twice!
She told my baby we'd danced till three, then she looked at me
Then showed a photo my baby cried his eyes were like mine (oh, no!)
'Cause we danced on the floor in the round, baby
People always told me be careful of what you do
And don't go around breaking young girls' hearts
She came and stood right by me
Then the smell of sweet perfume
This happened much too soon
She called me to her room
Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son
Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son
She says I am the one
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is
Billie Jean is
Billie Jean is
Not my lover
Not my lover
Not my lover
Not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover (she is just a girl)
Billie Jean is not my lover (she is just a girl)
Billie Jean is not my lover (she is just a girl)
Billie Jean is not my lover (she is just a girl)
Billie Jean is
Billie Jean is
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is
Billie Jean is
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover
~Michael Jackson - Billie Jean
Sorry, that's a little harsh: I give a damn...just not enough to blog every time I experience a bout of depression. There's only so much of my inner psyche that you need to know (that is, assuming you care).
In other news, we're breaking up. I'm sorry, I would've texted you but since you're here...
No, seriously: I haven't posted in what seemed like forever because honestly, I don't even know what's going on in my head. There's so much crap going on that most days I want to curl up into the fetal position and lie in the corner of my bedroom ignoring the rest of the world.
Every so often, I'm overcome with the urge to pelt passers-by with dead animals. My shrink says I suffer from anxiety attacks and antisocial tendencies.
I was running late for a meeting this morning (this was the last day of my prolonged and much-needed vacation) that I failed to notice that my dad's Chevy Malibu was parked behind me in the driveway.
That's right folks: I backed into a parked car. Given the lack of size of my Honda, I think its safe to say the Malibu won.
And really, all it won was some scratched paint. No body damage (at least from what I could tell during the half-hour I spent freaking out about HITTING A PARKED CAR).
I've spent the past two weeks going back-and-forth between Phoenix and Flagstaff since I technically have a job at Safeway thanks to my brother. Its not something I'm especially thrilled to do (I'm essentially leaving a full-time job with benefits to work for part-time at minimum wage) and I'm (according to my parents) supposed to be looking for another job once I get to Flagstaff.
I get to move into my apartment early, though. So come on out to Flagstaff and we'll go throw shit in the Grand Canyon. Its only an hour north and the park rangers don't care. Besides, according to my Blanchester relatives, "Its just a hole in the ground."
I'm also doing this because allegedly, I'm supposed to be working on some sort of advanced degree.
This short-term versus long-term crap is fucking with my head. That, and the drop in my pay grade. I got bills, people.
Spent last week on a cruise from Long Beach (yay!) to Ensenada (yay!) and back (boo!). The cruise was...alright, except for the fact that I kept getting hit on by waiters. Apparently I'm big in Gay Asia. Maybe its a good thing I decided not to teach English in Korea?
Also, the people on the ship reminded me a lot of the type of people you encounter in Las Vegas: Wide-eyed bewilderment until the alcohol starts flowing.
So basically, everyone on the ship was from Ohio.
I don't drink, and I've lost 20 pounds thanks to Weight Watchers since January so...I got kinda bored about an hour after leaving Long Beach.
After the cruise, my family spent two days in Los Angeles and Orange County.
I fucking hate getting nostalgic about being back in Southern California. Sentimentality makes me feel too human.
However, I got this nifty internet badge-type thingy for being an audience member at a taping of The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien:
So...yeah.
Also, Kristen has (had?) a giant hole in her bedroom, which really sucks.
That said, I still haven't completely wrapped my head around the idea of laying down pipes in a cement foundation (especially in a major seismic region), but hey, I'm no 1960s carpenter.
How's this for batfuck insanity:
Something tells me the Japanese haven't completely mastered the concept of American Football. I haven't the slightest idea the point of this game, or how one plays it on the Wii.
Since all the cool kids are still doing it, I resumed Twittering. Mostly out of boredom, and partly because I need some type of outlet beyond blogging. Its really hard to devise batfuck crazy things to tweet about...
When in doubt, always go with Abe Vigoda.
Fuck it, lets do sports.
The Angels are in town to play the Diamondbacks. I'm going to tomorrow's game at the BOB.
Here's a perk about Flagstaff: Arizona Cardinals training camp.
Ohio State will lose to USC and probably Penn State. Jamal Berry is a pothead (not that there's anything wrong with that...unless you live in Florida).
I hate the Lakers, but congratulations to the City and County of Los Angeles for having a sports team within their respective boundaries winning a major sports championship.
Ditto the City of Pittsburgh and Allegheny County for their teams (and as always, FUCK THE STEELERS).
I honestly don't know when I'll update again. The mere thought of moving stresses me out and I'll be doing a whole helluva lot of that the next few weeks.
RIP Jacko, you weird son of a bitch.
Say what you will about the man's personal life, I will MURDER YOU AND YOUR FAMILY if you badmouth Thriller.
So with that said, your moment of zen:
She was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene
I said don't mind, but what do you mean I am the one
Who will dance on the floor in the round
She said I am the one will dance on the floor in the round
She told me her name was Billie Jean, as she caused a scene
Then every head turned with eyes that dreamed of being the one
Who will dance on the floor in the round
People always told me be careful of what you do
And don't go around breaking young girls' hearts
And mother always told me be careful of who you love
And be careful of what you do 'cause the lie becomes the truth
Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son
For forty days and forty nights
The law was on her side
But who can stand when she's in demand
Her schemes and plans
'Cause we danced on the floor in the round
So take my strong advice, just remember to always think twice
(Do think twice) Do think twice!
She told my baby we'd danced till three, then she looked at me
Then showed a photo my baby cried his eyes were like mine (oh, no!)
'Cause we danced on the floor in the round, baby
People always told me be careful of what you do
And don't go around breaking young girls' hearts
She came and stood right by me
Then the smell of sweet perfume
This happened much too soon
She called me to her room
Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son
Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son
She says I am the one
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is
Billie Jean is
Billie Jean is
Not my lover
Not my lover
Not my lover
Not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover (she is just a girl)
Billie Jean is not my lover (she is just a girl)
Billie Jean is not my lover (she is just a girl)
Billie Jean is not my lover (she is just a girl)
Billie Jean is
Billie Jean is
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is
Billie Jean is
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover
~Michael Jackson - Billie Jean
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Survey time, bitches. 100 Truths
1. Last beverage: Diet Coke
2. Last phone call: James
3. Last text message: Daniel
4. Last song you listened to: Steve Earle - "I Feel Alright"
5. Last time you cried: I am incapable of human emotion
SIX HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Dated someone twice? I guess so. Probably?
2. Been cheated on? Depends on who you talk to.
3. Kissed someone and regretted it? No.
4. Lost someone special? Don't remember.
5. Been depressed? That's a constant.
6. Been drunk and threw up? In my own bed!
LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:
1. Gray
2. Black
3. Dark Blue
4. Clear
HAVE YOU:
1. Made new friends: No
2. Fallen out of love: No
3. Laughed until you cried: Watching the Universal tram segment of Monday's "The Tonight Show"
4. Met someone who changed: Huh?
5. Found out who your true friends were: Friends?
6. Found out someone was talking about you: My co-workers. Constantly.
7. Kissed anyone on your facebook friends list: Can't say that I have.
8. How many people on your facebook friends list do you know in real life: I'm pretty sure half of them are just figments of my imagination.
9. How many kids do you want to have: None.
10. Do you have any pets: Two dogs.
11. Do you want to change your name: Yes.
12. What did you do for your last birthday: Worked.
13. What time did you wake up today: 5:30am
14. What were you doing at midnight last night: Wondering why I wasn't asleep.
17. One thing you wish you could change about your life: I wanna know what happened to questions 15 and 16.
18. What are you listening to right now: Me typing.
19. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Not that I recall.
20. What's getting on your nerves right now? Everything.
21. Most visited webpage: Gmail, Facebook
1. What's your name: Ryan
2. Nicknames: "Hey, its that guy!", "St**b", "Chubby No-Bath" (thank you, Adelphos...)
3. Relationship Status: Permanent bachelorhood
4. Zodiac sign: Virgo
5. Male or female or trans gendered: Male
6. Elementary school: Mercer Elementary, Cincinnati Ohio
7. High school: Desert Vista High School, Phoenix Arizona
10. Hair color: Brownish gray
16. Height: 5'7"
17. Do you have a crush on someone? Nope.
18: What do you like about yourself? Honestly? Nothing.
19. Piercings: None.
20. Tattoos: Ted.
21. Righty or lefty: Lefty
FIRSTS:
22. First Operation: Left elbow reconstruction, May 2007
23. First piercing: Do insulin shots count? October 1989
24. First best friends: Drew Fink and Justin Lynn
26. First sport you joined: Baseball. I sucked.
27. First pet: Parents had a black cat named Clarabell when I was a baby. Roxie the greyhound was our first dog in 1993.
28. First holiday: Halloween 1983?
30. First crush: Didn't have one.
RIGHT NOW:
49. Eating: Nothing.
50. Drinking: Nada.
52. I'm about to: Fight Keith Olbermann in a caged death match.
53. Listening to: Dad load up the dishwasher.
55. Waiting for: A girl like you.
YOUR FUTURE:
58. Want kids? Absolutely not.
59. Want to get married? No.
60. Careers in mind? Something I'll probably hate.
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE PREFERRED SEX?
68. Lips or eyes: Eyes.
69. Hugs or kisses: Neither.
70. Shorter or taller: I have an unrealistic hope that I'll find someone shorter.
71. Older or Younger: Dead.
72. Romantic or spontaneous: Who's to say spontaneous can't be romantic? God your such a fascist, survey.
73. Narrow waist or large chest: What?
74. Sensitive or loud: How are these two even related?
75. Hook-up or relationship: The one with less physical contact.
77. Trouble maker or hesitant: I don't get it?
HAVE YOU EVER:
78. Kissed a stranger: No.
79. Drank hard liquor: I have. 'Twas unfortunate.
80. Lost glasses/contacts: Yup.
81. Sex on first date: I'm not that lucky.
82. Broken someone's heart: No.
83. Had your own heart broken: No.
86. Turned someone down: Yeah...then she stalked me.
87. Cried when someone died: No, I laughed, because that's how I roll.
88. Liked a friend that is a girl? Seeing as how I'm vaguely heterosexual...yes.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself: No.
90. Miracles: No.
91. Love at first sight: No.
92. Heaven: No.
93. Santa Clause: No.
95. Kiss on the first date? No.
96. Angels: No.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? No.
98. Who is it? I already told you! Gah!
99. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? Not that I recall.
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? I guess?
2. Last phone call: James
3. Last text message: Daniel
4. Last song you listened to: Steve Earle - "I Feel Alright"
5. Last time you cried: I am incapable of human emotion
SIX HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Dated someone twice? I guess so. Probably?
2. Been cheated on? Depends on who you talk to.
3. Kissed someone and regretted it? No.
4. Lost someone special? Don't remember.
5. Been depressed? That's a constant.
6. Been drunk and threw up? In my own bed!
LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:
1. Gray
2. Black
3. Dark Blue
4. Clear
HAVE YOU:
1. Made new friends: No
2. Fallen out of love: No
3. Laughed until you cried: Watching the Universal tram segment of Monday's "The Tonight Show"
4. Met someone who changed: Huh?
5. Found out who your true friends were: Friends?
6. Found out someone was talking about you: My co-workers. Constantly.
7. Kissed anyone on your facebook friends list: Can't say that I have.
8. How many people on your facebook friends list do you know in real life: I'm pretty sure half of them are just figments of my imagination.
9. How many kids do you want to have: None.
10. Do you have any pets: Two dogs.
11. Do you want to change your name: Yes.
12. What did you do for your last birthday: Worked.
13. What time did you wake up today: 5:30am
14. What were you doing at midnight last night: Wondering why I wasn't asleep.
17. One thing you wish you could change about your life: I wanna know what happened to questions 15 and 16.
18. What are you listening to right now: Me typing.
19. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Not that I recall.
20. What's getting on your nerves right now? Everything.
21. Most visited webpage: Gmail, Facebook
1. What's your name: Ryan
2. Nicknames: "Hey, its that guy!", "St**b", "Chubby No-Bath" (thank you, Adelphos...)
3. Relationship Status: Permanent bachelorhood
4. Zodiac sign: Virgo
5. Male or female or trans gendered: Male
6. Elementary school: Mercer Elementary, Cincinnati Ohio
7. High school: Desert Vista High School, Phoenix Arizona
10. Hair color: Brownish gray
16. Height: 5'7"
17. Do you have a crush on someone? Nope.
18: What do you like about yourself? Honestly? Nothing.
19. Piercings: None.
20. Tattoos: Ted.
21. Righty or lefty: Lefty
FIRSTS:
22. First Operation: Left elbow reconstruction, May 2007
23. First piercing: Do insulin shots count? October 1989
24. First best friends: Drew Fink and Justin Lynn
26. First sport you joined: Baseball. I sucked.
27. First pet: Parents had a black cat named Clarabell when I was a baby. Roxie the greyhound was our first dog in 1993.
28. First holiday: Halloween 1983?
30. First crush: Didn't have one.
RIGHT NOW:
49. Eating: Nothing.
50. Drinking: Nada.
52. I'm about to: Fight Keith Olbermann in a caged death match.
53. Listening to: Dad load up the dishwasher.
55. Waiting for: A girl like you.
YOUR FUTURE:
58. Want kids? Absolutely not.
59. Want to get married? No.
60. Careers in mind? Something I'll probably hate.
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE PREFERRED SEX?
68. Lips or eyes: Eyes.
69. Hugs or kisses: Neither.
70. Shorter or taller: I have an unrealistic hope that I'll find someone shorter.
71. Older or Younger: Dead.
72. Romantic or spontaneous: Who's to say spontaneous can't be romantic? God your such a fascist, survey.
73. Narrow waist or large chest: What?
74. Sensitive or loud: How are these two even related?
75. Hook-up or relationship: The one with less physical contact.
77. Trouble maker or hesitant: I don't get it?
HAVE YOU EVER:
78. Kissed a stranger: No.
79. Drank hard liquor: I have. 'Twas unfortunate.
80. Lost glasses/contacts: Yup.
81. Sex on first date: I'm not that lucky.
82. Broken someone's heart: No.
83. Had your own heart broken: No.
86. Turned someone down: Yeah...then she stalked me.
87. Cried when someone died: No, I laughed, because that's how I roll.
88. Liked a friend that is a girl? Seeing as how I'm vaguely heterosexual...yes.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself: No.
90. Miracles: No.
91. Love at first sight: No.
92. Heaven: No.
93. Santa Clause: No.
95. Kiss on the first date? No.
96. Angels: No.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? No.
98. Who is it? I already told you! Gah!
99. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? Not that I recall.
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? I guess?
Thursday, May 28, 2009
If Christopher Walken was a Cow
[In your best Walken voice]
I am large and white with black spots. Sometimes, it annoys me, when the people drive by in their convertibles and point and laugh at me and my fellow cows. They say things like "Moo" as if we're supposed to respond. Usually, we emit methane.
My owner, he likes to hook the suction cup things onto my supple, pink teats. For the milk my body produces. Its very painful. I can tell the other cows dislike it also. They moo in protest.
One day, when my owner stood behind me, I kicked him. He didn't get up. His wife came into the barn with a pitchfork.
My fellow cows ate her.
We know roam the countryside with an insatiable lust for the taste of human flesh.
Its morning, in America.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Fuck you, Baccalaureate Degree
First they hired Joel Kotkin, now Chapman University is responsible for spawning this:
Hammer gets 'Bazooka Joe' to chew on
Eisner, Tornante pick newcomer to pen comic strip adaptation
By Borys Kit
May 21, 2009, 11:00 PM ET
Michael Eisner and his Tornante Co. have tapped newcomer Mark Hammer to pen a feature adaptation of "Bazooka Joe," the comic strip that comes with Bazooka bubble gum.
Hammer, who this weekend is attending the graduation ceremony at Orange County's Chapman University, where he studied film, wrote a spec titled "Sonny Takes to Peru," which made the studio rounds but ultimately did not sell.
That spec, however, turned into a strong writing sample that got him into meetings as well as representation at management outfit the Safran Co. Execs at Tornante, seeking to fill their open writing assignment,liked the spec and brought in Hammer, who gave them his winning take.
"Bazooka Joe" has been a comic strip used as an advertising device for the gum since the 1950s. Joe, who wears an eye patch for reasons never explained, has child-friendly misadventures, sometime joined by a host of friends with the names Pesty, Mort (always with a turtleneck sweater pulled up over his mouth), Toughie, Hungry Herman, love interest Jane and a dog named Walkie Talkie.
Bazooka, the gum and the comic, are part of trading card company Topps' stable. Eisner purchased the company in 2007 for $380 million with a mandate to rejuvenate the brand.
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/news/e3ib5e9d934e920f54944cc6f31478908aa
Anyone else want to surrender their diploma and demand a refund so we can get a decent education from a more reputable institution? Hell, I'd even consider Arizona State at this point.
Hammer gets 'Bazooka Joe' to chew on
Eisner, Tornante pick newcomer to pen comic strip adaptation
By Borys Kit
May 21, 2009, 11:00 PM ET
Michael Eisner and his Tornante Co. have tapped newcomer Mark Hammer to pen a feature adaptation of "Bazooka Joe," the comic strip that comes with Bazooka bubble gum.
Hammer, who this weekend is attending the graduation ceremony at Orange County's Chapman University, where he studied film, wrote a spec titled "Sonny Takes to Peru," which made the studio rounds but ultimately did not sell.
That spec, however, turned into a strong writing sample that got him into meetings as well as representation at management outfit the Safran Co. Execs at Tornante, seeking to fill their open writing assignment,liked the spec and brought in Hammer, who gave them his winning take.
"Bazooka Joe" has been a comic strip used as an advertising device for the gum since the 1950s. Joe, who wears an eye patch for reasons never explained, has child-friendly misadventures, sometime joined by a host of friends with the names Pesty, Mort (always with a turtleneck sweater pulled up over his mouth), Toughie, Hungry Herman, love interest Jane and a dog named Walkie Talkie.
Bazooka, the gum and the comic, are part of trading card company Topps' stable. Eisner purchased the company in 2007 for $380 million with a mandate to rejuvenate the brand.
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/news/e3ib5e9d934e920f54944cc6f31478908aa
Anyone else want to surrender their diploma and demand a refund so we can get a decent education from a more reputable institution? Hell, I'd even consider Arizona State at this point.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Where the hell have you all been!?
Sorry, haven't felt like bitching much the past few weeks.
Job still sucks. I'm still planning on going to grad school. Found an apartment up in Flagstaff.
Unfortunately, nobody in Flagstaff is hiring. I'd feel much better about going to school in an economy that was at least showing signs of recovery. At least then I'd have a shot at finding a decent job after graduation rather than going back to being an administrative assistant.
Don't know why, but bitching on this blog is compulsive.
I've got a new phone number. If you didn't receive the email and want my number, uh...leave a message, I guess?
If you haven't seen The Wire, get your ass to a video store. Or be like people in 2009 and Netflix it. I've watched the first season twice the past week and got my mom hooked onto it.
Also: Congratulations to Kristen for getting into USC!
Your moment of zen:
Please could you stop the noise, I'm trying to get some rest
From all the unborn chicken voices in my head
What's that, what's that?
When I am king you will be first against the wall
With your opinion which is of no consequence at all
What's that, what's that?
Ambition makes you look pretty ugly
Kicking, squealing, Gucci little piggy
You don't remember, you don't remember
Why don't you remember my name?
Off with his head, man, off with his head, man
Why don't you remember my name?
I guess he does
Rain down, rain down, come on rain down on me
From a great height, from a great height, height
Rain down, rain down, come on rain down on me
From a great height, from a great height, height
That's it sir, you're leaving
The crackle of pig skin
The dust and the screaming
The yuppies networking
The panic, the vomit
The panic, the vomit
God loves his children
God loves his children, yeah
~Radiohead - Paranoid Android
Um...the original music video's a little weird, even for me. You can see that here.
Job still sucks. I'm still planning on going to grad school. Found an apartment up in Flagstaff.
Unfortunately, nobody in Flagstaff is hiring. I'd feel much better about going to school in an economy that was at least showing signs of recovery. At least then I'd have a shot at finding a decent job after graduation rather than going back to being an administrative assistant.
Don't know why, but bitching on this blog is compulsive.
I've got a new phone number. If you didn't receive the email and want my number, uh...leave a message, I guess?
If you haven't seen The Wire, get your ass to a video store. Or be like people in 2009 and Netflix it. I've watched the first season twice the past week and got my mom hooked onto it.
Also: Congratulations to Kristen for getting into USC!
Your moment of zen:
Please could you stop the noise, I'm trying to get some rest
From all the unborn chicken voices in my head
What's that, what's that?
When I am king you will be first against the wall
With your opinion which is of no consequence at all
What's that, what's that?
Ambition makes you look pretty ugly
Kicking, squealing, Gucci little piggy
You don't remember, you don't remember
Why don't you remember my name?
Off with his head, man, off with his head, man
Why don't you remember my name?
I guess he does
Rain down, rain down, come on rain down on me
From a great height, from a great height, height
Rain down, rain down, come on rain down on me
From a great height, from a great height, height
That's it sir, you're leaving
The crackle of pig skin
The dust and the screaming
The yuppies networking
The panic, the vomit
The panic, the vomit
God loves his children
God loves his children, yeah
~Radiohead - Paranoid Android
Um...the original music video's a little weird, even for me. You can see that here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
